Award Gag Gifts
It has been said that bees hold an inestimatable value to our own existence. Does human existence really depend on something we can't even find a value for? We must consider the real possibility that bees hold no true value and are actually impeding our own progress. We should stop spending valuable time and money trying to prevent the bees from disappearing and instead push them over the edge to complete extinction. The time spent trying to identify why the bees are disappearing could be better spent developing a more productive alternative. Man has engineered machines that have enabled us to land on the moon, developing an artificial pollination system could probably be developed by a scientist from a third world nation. Pollination is the only known benefit of the bee population, once an alternative method for pollination has been developed the bees will offer us very little. Should humans live side by side with bees and run the risk of being stung once we no longer depend on them? If you had the choice, would you prefer to live next door to unemployed neighbors that run out to attack you when you come close to their house if you didn't have too? If can you live without the occasional spoonful of honey in your tea when you're sick instead of running the risk of receiving multiple sting wounds then join us in landing the final coup de grace on the bees existence.
The public has been hoodwinked into believing that bees work tirelessly transporting pollen from blossom to blossom, pollinating all of our crops. Tragically this is far from the truth. Like many things in life when they are studied under a microscope the brilliant shine begins to fade to grey. Bees do not stoically pollinate our plants every spring, in fact bees don't really care if they pollinate the flowers or not. Bees go from blossom to blossom pillaging the pollen to feed their larvae. Pollination only occurs when the bees inadvertently drop their loot into the pistols of other plants. Its like a burglar dropping the mp3 player he just stole from your neighbor in your house while he's in the process of stealing your TV.
- The Green Answer to the Bee Question: Rising oil prices and calls for clean energy have issued in a new era where the plains of Middle America are carpeted with energy producing wind farms. The fertile grounds underneath these massive wind turbines create the optimal conditions to grow crops. Many species of plants can be pollinated simply by the wind blowing the pollen from one flower to another without the meddling of a single bee. The swirling winds created by these energy generating wind farms make the bees antiquated method of accidental pollination obsolete and essentially kills two birds(bees) with one stone.
- Workforce Deployment Skyrocketing unemployment rates due to the current downturn in the economy and lax border policies allowing immigrants to pour over the border in record numbers have created a large potential human pollination workforce. With the advent of computer technology the knowledge gap between the technology skilled worker and the manual laborer has grown to irreconcilable distances leaving half of the work force incapable of competing in a workplace that has shifted away from manual labor intensive jobs. The good news is the bees future absenteeism in the pollination process will give the opportunity for many of these unemployed and migrant workers to step in and fill the void as manual pollinators. Currently one third of our food supply comes from crops that require pollination. In the past we foolishly left the crucial task of pollination in the hands of a bug. It is mind-blowing to conceive that we would allow one third of our food supply to be dependent on the actions of a single bug. Bees waste upwards of 90% of all pollen. It would be insulting to believe that a migrant worker couldn't more efficiently pollinate our crops than a tiny mindless insect. An intelligent human could pollinate without wasting any of the pollen resulting in a 900% increase in our food supply. Modern agriculture is not dependent on the bee, modern agriculture is imprisoned by the bee. Our food supply is not in grave danger if the bees disappear, starvation is in grave danger. The bee and plant are an ancient, outdated partnership in need of change. At the same time America is working towards gaining its energy independence, free from radical Middle Eastern governments,environmental activists are working to strengthen our bee pollination dependency by mistakenly attempting to "save the bees".
