Award Gag Gifts
In a nutshell, a jackass credit or offset is a unit of money spent on a project designed to improve
our overall society. The unit or credit is then sold to an individual to balance out and atone for
his/her jackass behavior. One jackass offset credit gives the owner the right to act like a jackass
for one hour. The Jackass Offset Program was created because let's face it, jackass's realize that
behavioral change is not an option otherwise they wouldn't be the person that they are. The jackass
offset credit is specially designed to absolve the individual for their unavoidable jackass behavior.
To allow the individual whose name the offset credits were purchased for to live the jackass lifestyle they have grown accustomed to without having to worry about those annoying little negative ramifications their jackass behavior has had on society as a whole. We are passionate about maintaining your lifestyle and allowing your poor attitude to improve the community around you.
Our accredited jackasses offset programs cover a wide range of areas and are specifically designed to improve the community you have long soiled with your jackass attitude. You'll have the peace of mind knowing that your continued jackass behavior will directly fund after school programs for troubled youth, provide food for soup kitchens, fund no-kill animal shelters, purchase medicine for the elderly, and even finance local roadway improvements. The next time an annoying do-gooder challenges you with the question of "What have you ever done for anybody?" you'll be able to throw the question right back in their face with an exact dollar amount. Unlike carbon offset programs where you could be paying for reductions that won't actually happen for decades, we guarantee your money will be spent offsetting your jackass behavior within one month of your purchase.
Every hour of jackass offset credits sold by our company are 100% guaranteed. We actively track each project and identify whether or not that project will under or over perform on the amount of jackass behavior it was intended to reduce. It is entirely possible that a program designed to reduce your jackass emissions could fail to improve society. When trying to feed the homeless we may inadvertently give them food poisoning or feed them foods that could lead to the premature onset of diabetes or heart disease. Whatever the case, if our programs fail we will make up the shortfall from other programs at our own cost. Our 100% guarantee allows you to purchase your offset credits and not think twice about the jackass behavior you're about to bestow on the general public.
No, they were not designed to provide a solution. If nobody was a jackass, we would be out of business. The sole purpose of these credits is to provide a guilt free alternative to behavioral change, much like carbon credits.
Yes, there is a lot of work put into making sure that programs work and the best part is you don't have to worry about any of it. We make it simple and affordable for you to toss discretion and well-intentions to the wind so that you can behave like a jackass with the clearest of consciouses.
