Award Gag Gifts
Green Xtreme is the cloak-and-dagger puppet master behind America’s current posh green movement. We believe that Green is not just a mere chic movement, it is a religion. We recognize that in order for us to compel the masses to worship at the altar of environmentalism we must gradually cultivate our converts. We are a “non-profit” education and conservation organization founded in 2008 to advance and promote the use of hardcore measures to obtain sustainability. We are under no delusion that our rigid and uncompromising environmental policies will be accepted with open arms and open wallets without us gradually coercing and tricking the general public into assimilating to our values.
Do you know somebody who is an eco-fundamentalist committed to enacting severe environmental policies regardless of the detrimental repercussion these policies could have on the economy or your individual liberties? Maybe you know a vehement global warming denier in desperate need of enlightenment or in desperate need of a laugh. The fake contribution that you will make in their name will be used to advance our fanatical agenda at all costs. The advancement of green fanaticism is only made possible by people like you who provide financial support to the movement and who has total intolerance to listening to the counter arguments of global warming deniers. Although at first your peers might despise you for directly contributing to rising energy costs and laying the foundation for government involvement in all aspects of your life, they will overtime recognize the divine involvement you had in saving the planet and possibly humanity. After purchasing a Green Xtreme DonationRuse you will be able to sleep well at night knowing that you are on the right side of history because if the past has taught us anything, it is that willfully myopic alarmist theories like ours typically come to fruition.
- Stop offshore drilling? How bout halting all drilling and outlawing the use of fossil fuels. Once we stop drilling we will pour all the crude oil back into the earth where it belongs and can better serve humanity.
- Implement international renewable energy laws that make it a criminal offense to use any energy that does not meet our insurmountable renewable energy standards.
- Dump all fossil fuel run automobiles off the coasts of each country to create an artificial coral reef to build up marine habitats destroyed by man.
- Move the public into dense regional green zones to prevent urban sprawl.
- Institute a national bedtime just after sunset to cut down on energy usage. We will wake up and go to sleep as a nation.
- Stop all logging of forests including the act of "trimming" the forest which helps prevent forest fires by clearing the tinder. If mother nature wants a forest fire....so be it.
- Put the rights of even the tiniest animal ahead of the needs of people.
- Create uni-lateral environmental policies that will make tree hugging hippies obsolete, because even we can't stand them!
Q: How do we respond to scientific evidence that does not support our claims?
A: We reject any supposed scientic evidence that does not support our conclusions. We must not be led astray by
global warming deniers that produce scientific data that will not support our policies. We must worship at the alter
of global warming.
Q: How does the economy play into our policies?
A: The onus is really on the global economy, if it doesn't want to be green we will cripple it like everything else that
refuses to be bound by our regulations.
Q: Do we support the endangered species act?
A: Absolutely not, the ESA is only designed to protect plants and animal that have been awarded federal protection.
This is another example of a weak environmental policy. The ESA should include all animals since all animals are
at risk for extinction at the current rapid pace of global warming. We must put the rights of even the smallest animal
or insect ahead of the needs of humans.
Q: How do we respond to critics that say our policies are too harsh?
A: The threat of raising sea levels, rising temperatures, and mass animal extinction are harsh prospects. You must
fight fire with fire!
Q: What if renewable energy sources are not available in time to meet our timelines?
A: Necessity is the mother of all inventions and we are the perfection demanding father. We produce no technology we
just set standards for others to meet. We don't have the means to create any products but we have the
self-righteous justification to tell others what standards they have to conform too.
Q: What if our policies lead to food shortages?
A: Food shortages are incorrectly thought of as a negative in most circles, but we welcome food shortages. Food
shortages will ultimately thin out the herd to more sustainable levels.
Q: What is our end goal?
A: To create such a pollutant free environment that atmospheric oxygen levels are able to rise above .3 bar(30kPn) or
hyperoxia levels.
